The Rogue's Progress

2006-09-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

My Dear God In Heaven!! You good people will simply NOT believe what had become of me. I will have to swear on a stack of Bibles for you to believe a half of it.

It has been a TERRIBLE two years. TWO LONG YEARS I tell you. I have been held prisoner. A veritable hostage. A political prisoner! A prisoner of conscience!! A godly man locked up in a ghastly gulag, one filled with gangland goons, grifters, grafters, and other godless guttersnips. ME! Locked away with this teeming trash. AND ALL BECAUSE OF THAT WICKED ROGUE!!!!

The Devil--her employer, I assure you--only knows what she has been up to in the interim. Other than writing me her weekly taunts regarding my sad and undeserved condition, and sending me pictures of her and her unshorn (and likely unwashed) tattooed hell hounds laying waste to my yard with their Harley hell machines. She told the neighbors she was my sister, set up camp with her band of brigands in my modest abode for weeks at a time, strew the premises knee deep with beer cans and liquor bottles, except for the ones lined up on my trusty old, now riddled, car and used for target practice. My neighbor's barn behind was shot full of holes. She laughed, derisively, at his protestations and threatened to "make him dance" if she saw hide or hair of him again.

There is, however, one strange incident related by my terrified neighbor that seemed oddly out of character: As one of her thugs took cruel bead on my neighbor's old cat, this renegade Rogue gave forth with a shockingly stern, "He who harms a hair on yon old gray head, dies like a dog. Ride On!," she said. And off they went. But this is not enough to save her Hell, I foretell.

I am too weary to go on. I must rest before relating the remainder of this sordid tale.

2004-06-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

Stay tuned, dear friends, for the letter coming from the Mayor of Monetta, who I have met (truly), as he describes the recent day The Rogue Warriors descended upon his formerly fine and peaceful little rural southern town. You will be shocked, I assure you. Just the barest (so to speak) of previews now: the Mayor says the opening shocks--after the mere view of the Roguemobile and its packed tribe and their "go to the movies" finery--were the tattoos, which he said not only were of matters he dare not repeat before God and the world, but occurred in places that poor Monnetta had never seen shown in public before in any event. Hide the children. And you may want to have a Bible close at your side when you read the Mayor's shocking story.

2004-04-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

Well Rogue has done it now. She has run off one of the finest of posters on the bash-Bush boards, mild mannered Mildly Disturbed. It could have been at gunpoint for all we know, what with the habits of this vexing vixen. If he hadn't posted a goodbye I'd be advising the police to start digging up her back yard (aka Georgetown Steel's slag pits). Although, like many sensitive men he may just have been put off by the "lady" friend always out drinking him, out cussing, out shooting, out riding the Harley, out lying at tall tales, and out cheating at cards. Well, in any case, we'll miss you Mildly. Maybe we can get a rerstraining order on her and you can come back.

2004-04-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

Rev. V. I. Bezark
Riverside Evangelical Mission
1 Gervais Street, Lower Level

Dear Rev. Bezark:

You cannot know with what interest I receive your regular missives concerning this lamentable Rogue–this one-person wave of liberality (might I instead say closer to "libertine") and of sin in our otherwise devout and respectable state. As Attorney General and staunch conservative I for four years fought tooth and nail against this tireless mocker of our conservative lifestyle and professings, this despoiler of our otherwise impeccable reputation as "Buckle of the Bible Belt" and bastion of Republican faith. And what did I get for my troubles? Crude heckles from the listening crowd and–may God be my witness–not just a few times the foul egging of my official headquarters, both in campaign and in office. My severe complaints to the local chief of police were as unfulfilling as those to the head of the state law enforcement division. Does she have dirt on simply everyone? Even Thurmond (rest his soul) was powerless against her: she turned on her wily charms and he melted in midgrope I'm told relaibly.

But be assured she will soon meet her match. She is a sly fox, indeed, but I too am not without my cunning.. As you note I am running for the senate. With your help we can stop her. (Your kindly "down home" offer of economical campaign help, "bussing battalions of my bums, we can blanket the state with your brochures, for mere bread and beer" had me in tears of gratitude.) With a senate seat I will have access to John Ashcroft, who, I wager, will become her sworn enemy. They are like fire and water . . . specifically hellfire and holy water.

Thank you again and especially for the kind offer, which has been forwarded to my campaign manager. (We will of course have to negotiate your suggested fee as "overseer" and we will have to change that title to "supervisor" to avoid offending any sensibilities.)

Sincerely, your friend,

Charles (Charlie) Condon
Republican Candidate for Senate

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Friend's, I think I hear the Lord telling me, this Rogue is headed for a rude reformation. Let us all pray.

2004-03-18T17:10:00.000-08:00

Capt. V.I. Bezark
Waterfront Precinct
1 Gervais Street (Lower Suite)

Dear Capt. Bezark:

Please accept my thanks for the information you forwarded in such expedited manner regarding this "al Rogue" organization in your fine state. We count on that "thin blue line" to help protect us from terror as well as crime in America and it is information from sources just like you that helps us here each and every day. Our records do indeed show this Rogue character–quite a few records I might add–but we find no real connection to Muslim terrorism I'm afraid. The bin Laden types tend to be doctrinaire and ascetic zealots, and we just generally do not find sign of them in the common criminal haunts of drunken blasphemous debauchery and gambling frequented by this Rogue and her "associates" let me call them. There might as well be a field office of the probation and parole commission and the alcohol and drug rehabilitation department there by the looks of it. But do not be disappointed, I have just the person I believe who can help you in this matter, for what you have is a clear threat to the moral fiber of this great nation, if not to its tall buildings. I have forwarded this information to an associate with high interest in such matters. I think you will be very pleased with the results. I think this Rogue will not be.

Thanks you again and do not hesitate to contact me on similar matters.

Sincerely,

Tom Ridge
Director of Homeland Security

xc: ashcroft(personal)/AG/Justice/DC + attachments

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Oh boy, dear readers, I think we are finally seeing some signs of progress. Keep the faith.

2004-03-03T16:47:00.000-08:00

Professor Boris Bezark
USC Riverside Center
1 Gervais Street

Dear Professor Bezark:

We have received and are already reading with interest your proposal for establishing the Center for the Research of Roguery and the Institute on the Origins of Sin. We had no idea that such a veritable hotbed of iniquity lay there in the "Buckle of the Bible Belt" but we have indeed heard faint rustling about this Rogue, even far away here in the American heartland. Better there for you to study, as you propose, than here to corrupt our own flock, I say.

You will be hearing from us soon, and I hope favorably. We could even perhaps conduct spring or summer field trips for our advanced and most stalwart in their faith students here at the Bible college, to observe that modern-day Gomorrah this Rogue presides over. Or better yet, bring our more wayward souls to show them the end of the path on which they have embarked, or that is to say, the last step before the end, the gaping sulfurous maw of Satan's eternal furnace of souls. The maw this Reign of Rogue seems to be at least half filling all on its own.

We will discuss more of this.

Yours in righteousness,

Rev. Phelps

2004-02-29T18:48:00.000-08:00

Brother Bezark SJ
Riverside Mission to the Homeless
1 Gervais Street

Brother Bezark:
I do not normally court contention with a man of the cloth, and I now take you at your word for your credentials. I apologize for my initial behavior, but I must admit I was a bit taken aback by your appearance when I came by to see you; I had not dreamt there were even such a thing as "undercover Jesuit." In similar vein, as I thought of it later I suppose MD20/20 is as good as any in a pinch for sacramental purposes (though I'd still draw the line at a Moon Pie "Body of Christ").

That is not mainly why I write, however. I must implore you, once again, please stay your verbal and written assaults on the lovely Ms. Rogue. She is a breath of fresh air on these boards and in her stodgy metropolis. We more erudite and cosmopolitan men-about-town adore her antics and hope she has at least an occasional bout of seeing us favorably, though she hides it by the playful insults and criticism she tosses our way. I do wish she would forego the bottles and bricks, I must say. Please let her have some peace from your endless rebukes.

Her Admirer

>>>>Good Ladies and Gentlemem, I rest my case,* Look at what she and her behavior attracts.

*No Mr. "Her Admirer,** it's just an expression, I will continue on my holy tasks of exposing the evils of the one called Rogue.

**While I would never reveal a writer's identity it is probably harmless to give a hint*** for those already in the know.

***You put in a truck**** to make greasy black smoke.

****In the tank*****

*****Fuel tank.

2004-02-27T19:17:00.000-08:00

Colonel V. I. "Boris" Bezark
Gervais Plaza
1 Gervais Street
Ground Suite

Dear Col. Bezark:

Boris, it seems like only yesterday we were with the Chindits stirring up a spot of trouble on the Chinese border. How time does fly! I was astounded to learn that you have taken on another epic battle against evil, after all these years. I don't know how you do it. A crusade against the Tidewater Tornado, as I call her, "Tidewater Temptress," as the better half says, "That dress is so short I can see the thigh holster, and so tight I can see the outline of the derringer in the small of her back." This Rogue who is making life a living Hell for us here on the strand. We God-fearing tax-paying retirees should be enjoying our golden years without surly, tattooed, drinking, chewing, spitting (and worse I assure you) biker riff raff like Rogue and her gang laughing at us--derisively--insulting our spouses, our children, our cars, our religion, and our northern origins and accents, challenging us on the public sidewalk by taunts from her bar bench to shooting, arm wrestling, cussing, knife throwing (or fighting), or poker contests for drinks. I wondered how a lithe person like her could even consider an arm-wrestling bout but was assured that a swift kick to an unseemly place under the table is her sure-win formula. The poker is cheating too, but the cussing, gun play, and knife work are apparently all her own. And these bedeviling loud dares were while my family and the Episcopal minister's were merely passing by, headed to a decent restaurant to eat an anniversary celebration. This happens to every respectable passerby, going on all day, every day, unless Rogue's ruffians are riding their god-awful loud smoking motorcycles recklessly through traffic, on the sidewalks, through the malls, and basically where ever the darn well please it seems. The cops are afraid of her and her thuggish bruiser friends and won't do a thing about it I tell you. She's got the goods on half of them I hear, or they owe her big money. We are now counting on you to publically embarrass the governor into doing something or attorney general, but I'm almost afraid she's likely got something on them too. I'd take martial law if that would help.

Any way, keep up the good work. Oh, yeah, ha ha, the "Lords" work. How's that scam church working out, you old rascal you? I still laugh at how you sold the Baptist missionary and his family into servitude, telling them the hill tribe was going to take them to build a church in their village. Ha ha! I wonder if they're still there?.

(Name withheld)

2004-02-27T18:43:00.000-08:00

Dear readers, let me share with you some letters I have received from some amongst you since I began–at your request, and for your benefit . . . and the children's–this holy work to expose the iniquitous Rogue.

Rev. Bezark
Gervais Street Total Immersion Baptism Temple:

Thank you! Bless you!. May God commend you for standing up to Satan's Sister, as I call her, and rebuking her depredations on the nation's discussions boards. She has especially made a mockery of "The "Lord's Board" where I try to post. With Jesus' support, which I'm sure you have, I feel that soon she will either see her wicked ways and repent under your torrent of scorn, admonishment, and chastise or will simply burst into flames as the power of Satan envelopes her. She is on SPEAKING TERMS with Satan, she brags of it!! There is not far left to to go.

Thank you ever so much again. I have included, as you request on your radio show, another generous donation to your worthy cause.

P.S.: If you read the religion board, I am NOT fat.

(Note: I have withheld the sender's name for her own protection)

2004-02-19T17:41:00.000-08:00

Guess who at her biker bar?

http://www.devoteedelites.com/Photo%20Promos%205%2001/images/biker%20Ilean%2010.jpg

2004-02-19T16:48:00.000-08:00

Our Sister of Sin in the Swash Zone is sending me on-line dunning notices is she? And just how is she to know--far be it to prove--that it was me who ran up that bar tab on her ticket? Every derelict biker in a two county area knows her name and is indistinguishable from her real friends in looks (you can't imagine), attire (if grease-dirt-and-sweat preserved denim and leather can properly be called attire), and ugly disposition. How did they identify me as being "not of hers?" By some patch of skin left uncovered by tattoos or by the presence of all my teeth? Let her prove it in court. My distinguished representative, Aloysius Coloagent, Esq., hasn't lost a single guilty to the rockpile, much less a picture of innocence like me.

2004-02-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

The deranged rogue has attacked me again on her hate blog, dedicated solely to lying about me (that this speaks volumes about her herself must be obvious to all). I can only repeat a brief reply now:

"Oh, you know that this shot across the bow will not go unanswered, but alas it will be later. And I know full well it was actually a shot at the waterline, but the sun being already over the yardarm the liquor has started to flow there at Suck Bang Blow (why I'd get there at 4:00 in the afternoon and they'd say you'd already been, drank and shot up the place, and left with the Horry Hell Hounds on your Harleys with a 12 packs for the road). I will speak to my vast public about this on my blog."

2004-02-17T17:02:00.000-08:00

Warnings, dear posters, those of you who are going to use the address I provided to send well-deserved rebukes to the reprobate rogue. Wipe off all fingerprints and call from a pay phone if you contact this hell's-handmaiden. Her dearest friend, the former attorney general and wannabe senator, will otherwise loose his hired hounds on you. Personally, I think she sees an "Evita" role for herself in our fair state if this charlatan makes it. Or in her case, perhaps an "iron" fisted "Josephine." No velvet gloves on her, I assure you

2004-02-16T10:37:00.000-08:00

The vast board public--legions now cowering in lurkerdom--is yearning to break free and post (I feel certain their main interest is to interact with me personally). And they have a right to do so, without the incessant vilifying hailstorm of scorn from you and your various imping names, forming a one-harridan gang of wastrels, renegades, and reprobates. There are important topics that need serious discussion on the boards. Barbies for boys, the chroma of Diane Sawyer's nether habiliments, and whether one's voice is a detriment to success are past examples. (Fortunately my deep bellowing spells "real man" to one and all: I could warn distant fogbound ships off of coastal reefs, I can hit a note so low as to break a paper cup).

2004-02-14T10:23:00.000-08:00

I see Rogue is not at her usual board haunts today. A day of drinking and carousing at Suck Bang Blow I suspect, the notorious biker bar she haunts in the littoral zone. When she is up near where I live (our county sheriff has the radio stations give a warning announcement when she crosses the Wateree River) she hangs out at the Spit and Argue, an old redneck bar so tough and troublesome that it was off limits to combat troops from a nearby huge fort in WWII. The army didn't want its "property" (i.e., the GIs) damaged. Rogue has a running bar tab, though she often wins drinks in the impromptu shooting contests there or by her crooked poker playing.

2004-02-13T22:37:00.000-08:00

Ah, that's got it fixed, and I even undid Rogue's earlier mischief. The Countessa of Conflict and Calumny countered!

2004-02-13T22:30:00.000-08:00

(Gentle souls, I suspect Rogue has tried to sabatoged my blog already. It should be have been postings from BEZARK, but instead it used my "name." Fortunately I always use my great great grandfather's name to log in--in his honor. Perhaps you know of him: Albert Parsons. He's quite famous in some circles.)

"Dynamite! Dynamite! Of all the good stuff, that is the stuff! Stuff several pounds of this sublime stuff into an inch pipe (gas or water pipe), plug up both ends, insert a cap with a fuse attached, place this in the immediate vicinity of a lot of rich loafers who live by the sweat of other people's brows, and light the fuse. A most cheerful and gratifying result will follow.
In giving dynamite to the downtrodden millions of the globe, science has done its best work. The dear stuff can be carried in the pocket without danger, while it is a formidable weapon against any force of militia, police, or detectives that may want to stifle the cry for justice that goes forth from the plundered slaves. It is something not very ornamental, but exceedingly useful. It can be used against persons and things. It is better to use it against the former than against bricks and masonry. It is a genuine boon for the disinherited, while it brings terror and fear to the robbers. A pound of this good stuff beats a bushel of ballots all hollow - and don't you forget it! Our lawmakers might as well try to sit down on the crater of a volcano or on the point of a bayonet as to endeavor to stop the manufacture and use of dynamite. It takes more justice and right than is contained in laws to quiet the spirit of unrest." -- Albert Parsons, The Alarm, February 21, 1885

2004-02-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

Welcome, friends of all that is good and decent. We have the Lord's work to do here. In response to your clamoring requests, nay demands, to expose to the gleaming light of day and to God's furious gaze the multitudinous sinful ways of Hell's Own Handmaiden, the unrepentant Rogue, we shall compile here a damning indictment of this Sin's Sister--as a warning to one and all of the perils of taking that descending path, to a life of ravaging, raiding, regaling, and eventual ruination. "Bless you, BEZARK," I can hear you all say now. I can only respond, it is my pleasure.